Saturday's Internet Edition, July 05, 2008.
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The Rocksprings Woman’s Club met on Wednesday, February 20, 2008, at Dora’s Diner. President Sandra Harris called the meeting to order at 2:30 in the afternoon. She led the 12 members and 2 guests as they repeated “The Pledge to the United States Flag.”
A brief business meeting was held during which the minutes of the previous meeting were read by Secretary Dora White. The president urged members to attend the March meeting as decisions concerning the club’s future will be made then. Lorene Brown was welcomed as a new member.
Home Life Chairman Myrl Erwin introduced the program for the meeting. Club member Nancy Littlefield presented “Leading from the Heart” from which the following excerpts were taken:
“Let me tell you a story. It’s about some frogs who wanted a leader. They bothered Jupiter so much with their requests that he finally tossed them a log into the pond, and for awhile, the frogs were happy with their new leader.
Soon, however, they found out they could jump up and down on their new leader and run all over it. It offered no resistance nor even a response. The log did not have any direction or purpose in its behavior, but just floated back and forth in the pond. This practice exasperated the frogs, who were really sincere about wanting “strong leadership.”
They went back to Jupiter and complained about their log leader and appealed for much stronger administration and oversight. Because Jupiter was weary of the complaining frogs, he gave them a stork, who stood tall above the members of the group and certainly had the appearance of a leader.
The frogs were quite happy with their new leader at first. Their leader stalked around the pond making great noises and attracting much attention. However, their joy turned to sorrow and ultimately to panic, for in a very short time the stork began to eat its subordinates.
This story, taken from Aesop, speaks of two kinds of leaders. One kind is passive and allows the followers to literally walk all over her. The other is aggressive and powerful, but in the process she may destroy the relationships that make the organization work and she may even destroy the followers themselves.
Now, I am sure that none of us are like these frog leaders. But we might not really understand how to find the balance that makes for successful and effective leadership.
I would like to share with you a model for leadership that should work in whatever situation you find yourself. It is useful in a business - a volunteer organization - a church - or in your own personal relationships with your family and friends.
This model is called leading - or managing - from the heart. It is based on five principles that spell out what the people we work with - or live with - would like us to do as we deal with them - their unspoken requests of us.
The first principle is “Hear and understand me.” The second is “Even if you disagree, please don’t make me wrong.” The third heart principle is “Acknowledge the greatness within me.” And the fourth is “Remember to look for my loving intentions.” The final principle is “Tell me the truth with compassion.”
Now you might think that these concepts would make for more pleasant relationships, especially if all involved use them, and that is certainly true. But the thesis of the book on which this is based which is called “Managing from the Heart,” is that a leader can use these principles to make a business or organization more successful and more productive.
The followers who have their needs met by a leader who uses these principles will be more loyal - more productive and more efficient. Therefore the business will be more successful.
The first heart principle is “Hear and understand me.” We all long to be heard and understood; and, yet, it is rare to find someone who truly listens to us. Why is this? It could be that most of us have never been taught how to listen and to give evidence to the other that we have heard and understood.
This principle is critical if we are to lead from the heart. Because if we really listen to others and let them know we understand what they are saying, they will feel respected and valued.
Even if we don’t agree with them or do what they want, they will know we care. We have to listen both with our ears and our eyes - sometimes body language tells us as much or more than words.
We also have to let them know we are listening - by our own body language - and by using what are called “listening checks,” where we paraphrase the gist of what has been said. This will tell the person that we got the message and proves that we really were listening.
The second unspoken request that people desire is “Even if you disagree, please don’t make me wrong.”We all want to be right, so we often argue strongly for our opinions or positions.
Learning to work out win/win solutions should always be our goal in all of our relationships and in all the organizations in which we work. Losers do not make good followers. We must both be able to understand others and disagree with them without making them wrong. We must do this in order to live and lead from the heart.
The next principle is based on our need to be valued by others - “Acknowledge the greatness within me.” Even though we might be embarrassed to admit it, all of us like to be acknowledged for what we do well and for the positive characteristics we have developed.
As leaders, we need to find ways to acknowledge the greatness we see in those within our families - our workplaces - our churches. It is the right thing to do! And it will build stronger and more effective relationships.
The fourth of our Heart Principles is “Remember to look for my loving intention.” Most of us have good and loving intentions for everything we do. Unfortunately, good results do not always follow from good intentions; but it is important to acknowledge the intentions.
And finally, the fifth unspoken request others make of us is “Tell me the truth with compassion.” Most of us want to know the truth about ourselves but are often afraid to ask. This fear grows out of our experiences where others have shared the truth in punishing and hurtful ways.
The truth spoken in love can be very helpful, like a life preserver thrown to someone drowning. In fact, not telling the truth to another is no favor.
Fortunately, certain fairly simple techniques, which we can all learn, reduce the probability of negative outcomes. First you should be polite and respectful by speaking to the person in private and, if at all possible, at their convenience.
Acknowledge your own responsibility in the situation and describe very specifically the behavior that you are confronting. Concentrate on the performance or behavior; do not evaluate or judge the person.
Then listen - remember the first heart principle - and demonstrate your understanding with listening checks. Request the specific changes you want - offer help - and describe the consequences, both positive and negative.
Then reach and confirm an agreement concerning the problem or issue. Focus on the positive aspects of the relationship, and point out how your new understanding can further strengthen that association.
Yes, we live in a world that places great importance on one’s status, rights, and privileges, yet these really will have no significance in the long run. When we act as a servant leader - when we put others’ needs before our own, we will find that the needs of the organization - whether it is a family or a business - will be met and all concerned will be happier and more productive.
This just might be the balance between the log leader who lets others walk all over her - and in the end really does not lead - and the stork who so dominates and controls her followers that they may want to hand her on a hook. Leading from the heart - give it a try and see if it doesn’t make life a lot easier and your relationships more pleasant and successful!”
Following the informative and thought provoking program hostesses Bridget Fry, Ernestine Carson and Karen Stieler with the assistance of Dora Franco and her staff served Powder Puff, German Chocolate Bars, Sock-It-to-Me Cake, coffee and iced tea to members Ann Guthrie, Sandra Harris, Myrl Erwin, Nancy Littlefield, Lillie Shanklin, Alma Smart, Lorene Brown, Leona Reichardt, Kathy Walker, Dora White, Ernestine Carson and Bridget Fry and to guests Doris Haby and Dennette Coates.